Old Wykehamist Football Club

Match Report

Match Report - 04 Oct 2008, Old Wykehamist Football Club 1st XI beat Old Tonbridgians

Rae Guys!

The OWFC cavalcade - 4 hatchbacks and Gordon's bus - headed deep into Kent this weekend. 1 hatchback was late, to the tune of £20 in penalty fines. The frozen credit markets and the uncertainty surrounding the Federal Reserve's bailout plan had a vivid impact on the day's OWFC debtors and as a result the first 10 minutes were chaotic - the Tonbridgians capitalised with a neat finish to go 1 goal up. The Kentish winds began to stir and the sleeting rain injected some academic rigour into the OWFC. The back four settled. Fullbacks Waki and Jimbo increased their revolutions and launched berserking runs into the other half, pillaging the opposing defence for hefty sums. Hogan and Rae put a leash on the game and the youthful Tonbridge squad started marching to their tune. Hogan's calibration let him down as he delicately placed a brace of shots into the keeper. Soon after, a quick interchange ended up with il nino Verninho whipping the ball into the side netting. 1-1.

Masefield began cramping the OT's style with his pace and touch out on the right. Some epicurean discourse between Sutton and Rae resulted in the latter deciding he would introduce himself to the hoi polloi. 2-1.

There was much backslapping and guffawing at the interval. Baker, fresh from his impressive performances in the 2s, was introduced into the centre of the park and his golden tresses and wanderlust wound back the years. Some pre-pubescent fumbling around on the edge of their box culminated in Rae taking his second. 3-1.

Waki's bombastic marauding on the right afforded their box plenty of exquisite oriental deliveries. Sutton was unlucky not to take a scalp for himself - an open goal was winking at him. Despite this, Sutton's stride and discerning runs allowed him to turn philanthropist and his assist count would keep any fantasy football aficionado in gold bullion. Jones played well with his back to goal and was rewarded as he slid in to get his duct-taped ankles on the end of a cross. 4-1.

Baker lunged at a Vernon cross but his flexibility let him down. He rattled his sabre as someone remarked about what could have been 4 years ago. Rae then decided he fancied a trick, with the help of Sutton's altruism. 5-1.

After impressing the OWFC selection committee in the 2s, Jamie Rann's intellectual performance complemented Spalton's boorish centreback. This robust beachhead allowed the front office to perform. Neale spent much of the game pouting between the sticks and berating left back Jimbo Walters about the whereabouts of his hot date promised so earnestly to him at the OWFC social. In the dying minutes the exuberance of the team let them down as the OT's broke and attempted to spoil the party. Neale made use of the fingersave technology in his gloves to tip it round the post and keep the Tatler cameras happy.

A bucket of WKDs and some straws were ordered up at Kent's answer to Boujis post match. The lights dimmed as Vernon's aunt, sporting a cheeky Barbour jacket, put in an appearance. Neale's heckling was inappropriate. Strong win for the OWFC. Great to be a part of. In the words of George Spalton – 'Get in the back of the net!'…

Old Tonbridgians 1 - 5 Old Wykehamist Football Club 1st XI ()

Name Goals Details
1 Edward Neale  
2 James Walters  
3 George Spalton  
4 Jamie Rann  
5 Charles Wakiwaka  
6 Tom Vernon   1
7 James Hogan  
8 Tom Rae   3 Man of the Match
9 George Masefield  
10 Tom White   1
11 Patrick Sutton  
12 Gordon Baker