Old Wykehamist Football Club

Guanabara was the venue, the great times were the occasion.

The evening was a success and the match report will try to capture a few of the more choice cuts. Credit to Ed Lascelles for the venue recommendation. A veritable feast was consumed at the hottest table in da club. Some, unfortunately, had to leave. Some rolled up their sleeves. The cameras started rolling at around midnight...

The evening started with well over 30 men sitting at a table with buckets of exotic lagers - an age old recipe. There was much guffawing. There were many anecdotes exchanged. Like true Wykehamists, it took a good few hours before anyone decided to communicate with a female.

Skinner's pump action pistol fist was going down well with the nubile paulistas squeezed into the dancefloor - 'eating is cheating' he was heard aggressively exclaiming as he weighed anchor and set sail onto the floor with a brace of mojitos in his clutches. Vernon earnestly marched around with a turquoise jumper draped over his shoulders, clearly unaffected by the Federal Reserve's recent ban on short selling. Jimbo Walters's Brahma fuelled leer culminated in some legally questionable chasing of a lady in a red peugeot and rigid promises that he would set Neale up on a date with his attractive friend. The Mule (Underwood) was confident he had found 'the one' and then made the fatal error of continuing to pursue shangri-la and decided to remain beyond witching hour and without OW back up - more fool him, 'the one' had a boyfriend and particularly enjoyed having beverages purchased for her. Neale embarrassed himself as the caipirinhas' vice like grip started to squeeze and he started dribbling - before long he was attempting to out maneouver the snake hipped capoeira crew to the samba rhythms which was not assisted by his greased back hair and eyebrow raising embracing of men. Hogan? He was trying hard to pull a rabbit out of the hat. He was purveying some big game chat about 'standards'. He was last seen chatting to a man next to the gents. Christofides would surface every 10 minutes twirling a different girl, and wisely deployed his parachute when Neale tried to embrace him.

Men of the match - and exactly the reason why Wenger will never win the Champions League without experienced veterans - Hanson spotted with a perma-sweat on and regularly going off piste and attempting to perform some emerging market macroeconomic analysis. Arrandale - spotted in a tender embrace by the bar...

NEXT OWFC SOCIAL WILL BE A YULETIDE TREAT...